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Pro Dudes 2013 New Year’s Resolutions

NYE_ArticleThe year 2013, some said it would never happened, and they are stupid. Moving forward, changing the calendar and pretending to lose weight are now on the horizon. So what resolutions are being made in the snowboard world? The results will probably not surprise you. Some will try to improve while others will continue to fuck off, around and in anything they can. Here’s a smattering of answers from some of Yobeat’s favorite personalities.

Famed photographer and bike enthusiast Tim Zimmerman said, “My only resolution is to listen to way more Pink Floyd. Might as well take advantage of the new weed law in Washington, right?” making the Yobeat staff wonder what it’s like to be high in a helicopter.

Forum dude Cam Pierce said, “I didn’t really make one. But, if I had to pick right now it would probably be to stop worrying about  stupid little things.” Does he mean little things like 10-stair rails which Forum traditionally has no time for, or like the fact that his main sponsors just went out of business?

All around good-time-guy Niko Coffi said, “For GBP/Gremlinz to take ova’. I wanna be rich an’ laugh at all the other petty industry people an’ go to Bora Bora wit’ my baybegirl.” Check urban dictionary for a quick translation.

Recently engaged Nick Visconti said, “Keep Jesus IN Snowboarding.” Which is either more of his super I love Jeebus nonsense, or a witty remark regarding our once great “Keep God out of Snowboarding” shirts.

The filthy, yet lovable Billy Mackey said, “Get fat as shit, have a pet bear, move into the woods and never talk to anyone again.” and while we think that is rad, we don’t want to see him go just yet.

Intern of the Year and now Poler bad boy Alex Burton said, “Disconnect from friends that don’t matter, sell my shitty track bike, save money, get better at what I do, call grandma and get some teeth pulled.” Maybe Alex and Grandma can bond over false teeth?

DWD Pro Ben Bogart said, “I think I might save my New Year’s Resolution for 2014 and piss off for another year.” and we couldn’t be prouder of the guy.

Finally, Durell Williams said, “Hook up with as many white girls as humanly possible.” which is such an odd thing for a handsome black snowboarder to say, right?

Do you have a resolution worth mentioning, or is it simply, “Gosh I hope I lose this tire of human flesh from my gunt this year.” If so, post ‘em below. The best one might get a free sticker pack, if we remember…

 

Every word in this post-even those based on real people-are entirely fictional. The quotes might be bullshit too.
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Comments (20)

  1. hate less… just kidding, I’m on the internet fuck that

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  2. How can you get better at doing nothing, Alex Burton?

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  3. Ah yes, Lipton, who could forget your 100% original, once-great & witty “Keep God out of Snowboarding” tshirt. You kook.

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  4. I’ll buy your shitty track bike.

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  5. I WANT TO OFFER MY BITCH TO THE BASEDGOD THIS YEAR

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  6. keep Lucifer in snowboarding

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  7. the real question is has durrell ever hooked up with a black chick? hood rats dont give a fuck about snowboarding

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  8. 1. Log 75+ days on snow. Already 1/3 of the way there. (December has been epic in the N.W.)
    2. Burn all my ex-girlfriends shit.
    3. Realize that if you never were pro then you can’t be washed up.

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  9. haha burned cam pierce, although I hear he’s a nice guy

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  10. My resolution is to only ride and do tricks switch, but only do mediocre trick. Gnnarly tricks are just too hard.

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  11. Everytime a get a trick at a spot tie my used tampon to the rail.

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  12. My New Years Resolution: Fuck everything & everyone (in the sexual form)!

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  13. Mines basically Alex Burtons, minus the teeth pulling

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  14. Fuck bitches and get money

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  15. Have everyone ride for me. HAIL, MOTHERFUCKERS, HAIL!

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  16. Glad nobody said they wanted to listen to more Loutallica.

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