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The Bright Side of Sandy

With widespread power failures and flooding all over the east coast, many local governments have closed highways, transportation systems and schools. Even the Country’s superintendent, Barrack Obama, closed the Federal Government yesterday. Hold on tight east coasters and remember that every storm cloud has its silver lining. Listed below are potential outcomes for various east coast states getting pounded by Sandy.

Massachusetts:

Massachusetts: The storm washes out Boston completely, making Blue Hills the largest and most extreme mountain on the east coast. Oh, also Mitt Romney gets swept out to sea.

Vermont:

Vermont Got pummeled by Irene, so fingers crossed that they re-built their shit to withstand another storm. The best case scenario? The storm takes out the single chair at Mad River Glenn and snowboarders take over.

New York:

The City is completely flooded, and they have closed the stock market. When no one is paying attention, we can boost Peter Line’s shares in Forum. We won’t need hashtags once Peter Line is swimming in the last of the Forum money.

Pennsylvania:

Seven Springs is no more. It will be renamed Seven Seas, and it will feature the first gravity-free underwater half pipe training facility.

New Jersey:

The wind has probably blown down the lift towers at Mountain Creek. My advice? Keep the towers on the ground and set up a couple mellow lips onto them. Kids love those huge tubes, and let’s be honest, jersey kids don’t need lifts. They only use that time to smoke cigarettes.

New Hampshire:

A wreckage of trees and debris between Loon and Waterville finally connect these two resorts into one super-mountain. NH shred scene officially becomes the most legit in the country.

West Virginia:

With six feet of new snow, the West Virginia snowboard scene blows up and the economy is saved after local business men switch investments from mining, to new ski resorts.

Maine:

Maine will be fine guys, come on.

In all seriousness, stay safe east coast, our hearts go out to our friends and family dealing with the storm. Should your state get wiped off the map, buy a yomerica sticker as a keepsake.

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  • west virginia

    no really, we’re getting hammered harder than jerm’s mom

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  • Hue

    lol Maine

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  • http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq0iwbjfb91qbrrf8.png MattyT

    Blue Hills refrence? I dig it.

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  • weinerhouse

    i went poopy

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  • upstatemike.

    seven springs got tons of snow, not water.

    mountain creek already has about 6 lift tower “jibs”, they don’t need another one.

    new hampshire already is the most legit.

    west virginia has as many ski resorts as nevada.

    boston didn’t get flooded.

    romney sucks.

    no one wants to snowboard at mad river glen.

    and there’s no forum money to swim in.

    your welcome,
    someone actually from the east coast.

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  • FrankieVT

    …….and upstatemike takes it by a longshot!

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  • upstatemike.

    and these drawings look like they were done by a retarded 5 year old on crack.

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  • rhody

    what about Rhode Island?!?! yawgoo may be no more after this one

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  • patrick

    there’s only 1 “r” in Barack Obama

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  • North Carolina

    You guys forgot about us. We have over a foot+ of snow and it’s still dumping. All 100 kids that snowboard here were out hitting street features that we haven’t had enough snow to hit last season. First day of the season going hard. Thanks Sandy. Snowlercaneâ„¢ 2012 bitchez!

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  • que

    too bad forum doesn’t publicly trade stocks

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  • kevincourt

    its ok guys, ill take care of it

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  • upstatemike.

    @NorthCarolina:

    No one forgot about you, we just try to pretend you’re not there. We (the east coast) also pawned you off to the south many years ago. Maybe it’s because you say things like “street features”?

    It’s called a Snurricane, and you didn’t TM that shit.

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  • North Carolina

    @upstatemike at least i’m not a homo who calls it “urban” unless you’re in a city, don’t call it urban. it’s street.

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  • North Carolina

    Oh and by the way, we are in the south. Look at a map.

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  • upstatemike.

    @North Carolina: i know, i’ve been yelling at kids for years for calling it urban. i know its called street, but they sure as fuck aren’t called street features.

    and i know, you’re in the south, that’s what i said.

    this is why i can never live in the south. everyone’s slow, like special ed slow.

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  • Walter

    i laughed so fuckin hard at “they only use that time to smoke cigs”, because it is so fuckin true, even though the beer slugging part was left out, i <3 NJ

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  • dick

    fuck yeah walt!

    and fuck yeah upstatemike

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