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The Bright Side of Sandy

With widespread power failures and flooding all over the east coast, many local governments have closed highways, transportation systems and schools. Even the Country’s superintendent, Barrack Obama, closed the Federal Government yesterday. Hold on tight east coasters and remember that every storm cloud has its silver lining. Listed below are potential outcomes for various east coast states getting pounded by Sandy.

Massachusetts:

Massachusetts: The storm washes out Boston completely, making Blue Hills the largest and most extreme mountain on the east coast. Oh, also Mitt Romney gets swept out to sea.

Vermont:

Vermont Got pummeled by Irene, so fingers crossed that they re-built their shit to withstand another storm. The best case scenario? The storm takes out the single chair at Mad River Glenn and snowboarders take over.

New York:

The City is completely flooded, and they have closed the stock market. When no one is paying attention, we can boost Peter Line’s shares in Forum. We won’t need hashtags once Peter Line is swimming in the last of the Forum money.

Pennsylvania:

Seven Springs is no more. It will be renamed Seven Seas, and it will feature the first gravity-free underwater half pipe training facility.

New Jersey:

The wind has probably blown down the lift towers at Mountain Creek. My advice? Keep the towers on the ground and set up a couple mellow lips onto them. Kids love those huge tubes, and let’s be honest, jersey kids don’t need lifts. They only use that time to smoke cigarettes.

New Hampshire:

A wreckage of trees and debris between Loon and Waterville finally connect these two resorts into one super-mountain. NH shred scene officially becomes the most legit in the country.

West Virginia:

With six feet of new snow, the West Virginia snowboard scene blows up and the economy is saved after local business men switch investments from mining, to new ski resorts.

Maine:

Maine will be fine guys, come on.

In all seriousness, stay safe east coast, our hearts go out to our friends and family dealing with the storm. Should your state get wiped off the map, buy a yomerica sticker as a keepsake.

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Comments (18)

  1. too bad forum doesn’t publicly trade stocks

     
  2. its ok guys, ill take care of it

     
  3. @NorthCarolina:

    No one forgot about you, we just try to pretend you’re not there. We (the east coast) also pawned you off to the south many years ago. Maybe it’s because you say things like “street features”?

    It’s called a Snurricane, and you didn’t TM that shit.

     
  4. @upstatemike at least i’m not a homo who calls it “urban” unless you’re in a city, don’t call it urban. it’s street.

     
  5. Oh and by the way, we are in the south. Look at a map.

     
  6. @North Carolina: i know, i’ve been yelling at kids for years for calling it urban. i know its called street, but they sure as fuck aren’t called street features.

    and i know, you’re in the south, that’s what i said.

    this is why i can never live in the south. everyone’s slow, like special ed slow.

     
  7. i laughed so fuckin hard at “they only use that time to smoke cigs”, because it is so fuckin true, even though the beer slugging part was left out, i <3 NJ

     
  8. fuck yeah walt!

    and fuck yeah upstatemike

     

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