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Words: Louis Macindoe. Photos: Robert Harold Sell III
Skip the story, lemme read an interview with Zac, Ethan and Andrew.
An Australian winter usually consists of a large migration of inner city slobs to the townships of neighboring resorts — bringing with them, copious amounts of snowbro slang, Whisky Militia specials and a burning desire to waste their paycheck on box wine aka Goon bags. An Australian winter is basically a big swap meet of STDs.
Now, a company who wishes to play the conservative card knows this isn’t the ideal place to be sending their team for some R&R over their summer vacation. However, Arnette hasn’t been playing by the rules at all since the relaunch of the brand and decided to subject Marketing guru Robbie Sell and his cast of mad men — Ethan Deiss , Zac Marben and Andrew Brewer to 9 days inside the very guts of an Australian Winter. If they survived they got to spend an few days in New Zealand as their reward…
I somehow sucked up to enough of the right people to tag along for the trip, here’s my personal list of highlights from the trip:
You know a trip is off to a good start when your shit doesn’t turn up on the baggage carousel and since it was Ethan’s bags, they could have been at any of the 3 international airports between Sydney and Wisconsin. No one on the trip heard the end of the ‘bag incident,’ Ethan re-assured everyone at all times that the bag was full of Monster hats and ‘the coolest shit.’ No one showed any compassion for either Ethan or the Bag…
Arnette was too cheap to put the guys up in a penthouse every night, so instead Robbie decided the magazine Penthouse would be a good substitute. This magazine circulated throughout the van and whilst no one ‘road jacked’ ‘it’, the thing provided entertainment through Melbourne traffic — onlookers where either aroused or offended.
Don’t touch it. Ever. Same principle applies to his comb. Avoid temptation, I didn’t and paid the price…
Andrew Brewer moments
People get the impression that every Australian speaks and does as Steve Irwin did. I like this stereotype, but Brewer lives it, throwing in Hybrid Australian / Reno slang at every chance. He then proceeds to out-drink the local population, gets the girl and then scrambles back in the morning to meet the rest of the team. Despite living in Reno, he lost at the Casino multiple times but quickly made up for his losses by taking home another girl. He backflips like a cat on a hot tin roof, just don’t feed him spicy alcoholic shit — it brings out the worst in him and he turns into some kind of shirtless maniac possessed by the devil.
There is nothing gay about sharing a spa or ‘hot-tub’ with 6 guys. The Arnette team did some serious ‘bonding’ that night. No homo. That night I felt like I had ‘made it’, the sad realization kicked in later that I work for a shitty website as a correspondent for a country that no one who snowboards cares about.
What could be said about the trip? Well we flogged around on our Snowboards in some good weather and some bad, we did as the locals do — sunk tins, smashed pies and let a bunch of hell bent Seppo’s go about stealing our women, sinking our piss and tearing a new arsehole in our Resorts. Continue reading…