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There are two things I have taken away from this internship so far: Brooke fucking hates reggae music, and the snowboard industry is not nearly as “legit” as one might be tempted to think. Basically it is a bunch of shredders who at any moment could unknowingly crash the entire industry into one gigantic fucked up disaster. We the shredders must realize that we are the 99%. If we allow the 1% to dictate where the industry goes: Sports Center here we come. Listed below are six steps that you can personally take to ensure the safe passage of the snowboard industry into the next couple of years. This madness must be stopped.
It’s hard for me to say with certainty whether or not I think mountains should still ban snowboarders. Part of me finds it comforting that one part of society still hates us so much. Seriously, when the fuck did having your daughter date a snowboarder become a good thing? We gotta do some more shit to get back onto society’s shit list. Hike to the top of a ski mountain and powder slash everyone you see on the way down. Give them a reason to ban us for another 10 years.
Work for your turns so you can appreciate the ridiculous privilege you have to be riding a snowboard instead of being a sex slave in India or something. It is easy to get spoiled when you are riding a moving couch to the top of the mountain, so go au natural, it feels nice.
If you desire solely to slide on rails, then move to southern California and ride a skateboard. I’ll break it down like this: Skateboarding is about destroying the concrete terrain that society has built. It”s taking what is there, and using it to get gnarly. Surfing is also about conquering the terrain that is handed to you naturally. At its purest root, snowboarding is about the relationship between you and the natural terrain of the mountain. So forget that rail for second, and go find some fucking powder.
Getting little kids jacked up on this garbage is is not cool. Chill on that shit and drink some water, nature’s original energy drink. The part that freaks me out the most is how much money those companies have to throw around. Seriously, Shaun white doesn’t even show up to the X Games anymore without getting paid, so imagine how much they must have paid him to ride that personal halfpipe I kept hearing about?Â
Snowboard movies must never become a thing of the past. Without them, shredding will be recognized based on contests, and we will be forced to watch future Shaun Whites in shitty commercials for the rest of our days. Competitions are cool and all, but we must never lose support of the riders who go out and shred nature’s playground. An example of a competition that doesn’t suck: any banked slalom.
6. End it at triple corks
Triple Corks are the illegitimate child of the snowboard industry. JP walker did that shit by mistake off of a back-country booter in Shakedown, and now everyone is confused and trying to out-do each other. Seriously, When the fuck did snowboarding turn into a hybrid between Olympic aerial skiing and gymnastics? I’m doing my best not to sound old by hating on where the sport is heading, but people need to get stoked on good ol’ classic shredding. Instead of trying a triple cork, try a switch method instead.
Obviously there are more ways to keep the shred alive, but we’ll leave those, faithful reader, up to you. After all, who am I to say what’s right? No one, that’s who.