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A Crusty Hump Day with Dustin Craven

New nickname? Photo: Jeff Patterson.

Interview by Dave Schiff

I’ve personally never met Dustin Craven, however from what I have read and the stories that I have heard, it’s safe to say he’s a good shit. He seems to have fun with his existence and his talent on his board allows him to proceed with his lifestyle. When I got into snowboarding I got into it for the life. I did not want to be the best snowboarder in the world. I wanted to have a means to live the way that I wanted. I think that Dustin may occupy those same values. However he IS one of the best snowboarders in the world and one of the most creative and outrageous individuals to boot.

So I have officially been asked by Yobeat to Hump you or something. How do you feel about that? Would you prefer it dry or wet?

I would like it dry if that’s ok with you? Unless you’re going to eff my little titties then I want you to lay me down, lube them up, and go to town.

It feels pretty good on this end so far. So I’m going to reach around and ask you more intimate question that I think your people would like to know. Are you in love with Mikey Rencz?

About as much as I like to fill out interview question for websites….. I love all my friends without them what’s the point?

One footers are so cool even Canadians are doing them now. Photo: Robbie Sell

I was recently talking to Danny Kass and he said you would renounce your Canadian Maple Syrup Slurping Pride if he appropriated a work visa into America for you. Is there any truth to that? Would you really utter the words most sacrilegious to Canadians, “I love America”?

I needed letters of recommendation for my visa app to get into the States and when I called Danny he said he would only do it if I said I love America and I told him to go straight to HELL…. but in the end we meet half way and I said if I get approved then I’ll say I LOVE AMERICA!

How do you compare the USA to Canada?

They’re two different countries that are separated by the 49th parallel. We have a lot less people and free health care. We drink real beer. The States have Mexicans and we have Aussies

Danny also told me you are prone to be quite the show off. Has that ever landed your dick in the dirt, say with jumping off a cliff perhaps? Elaborate upon this please.

Danny likes to call me a sandbagger, but when you’re doing stuff with a two-time Olympic medalist you can’t help wanting to show off….. As for having put my dick in the dirt I have not. However one of my friends Cliff Kenezinton once fucked a gofer hole and to quote him, “Though rough and rugged, at first you can really hammer it home!”

Pretty much the coolest dude ever to set foot in a Monster-sponsored halfpipe. Photo: Joel Frasier/Capita Snowboarding

Do you think your life would be different if you made the Canadian Olympic team?

No, I think at the end of the day everyone gets excited every four years and there is a lot of hype, but between those 4 years, no one gives a shit.

Are you tending to be a more long and hard guy this season or a short and soft guy? (Powder or jibs?)

I’m just riding pow this year. I live in Squamish, BC now and there is lots of pow. It makes it easy to stay away from the parks and pipes.

I was looking at a shot of you doing a frontside invert on that monolithic sized wall from Super Park. It appears to me you are a real “hands on” kind of guy. Where is the best place to get away with public masturbation?

I remember when I was younger, in grade 7 or something, I went into the bathroom and rubbed one out. That’s pretty public considering how many people are in a Junior High during school hours.

This is not the wallride Schiff was talking about. Whatever. Photo: Joel Frasier/Capita Snowboarding

I’ve been noticing a trend of where crews have been gang banging the film circuit lately. Do you have any memorable deep penetration or rail bukkake you’d like to divulge?

Nothing that crazy… every year your crew changes and you just do it, but I guess in gang bangs you not always with the same dudes.

Do you have any aspirations for filming this season? Who do you think you’ll get the money shot with?

This year I’m filming for Videograss and will be on a crew with Eero Niemela and Benji Ritchie. It’s kind of like getting a trail map to the backcountry, so I think just going out with them is the money shot.

It’s been said that you are quite the ladies man. What’s the difference you’ve seen between our girls here in the USA Vs. Canada? Where do you think the prettiest women in the world are, where are the easiest?

Canada and the US are not the same because the States have way more people. With more people having sex the odds of getting hot girls is a lot greater. Thus I believe the US has more hot girls. The hottest girls in the world would be in Norway and for the easiest they’re the ones putting out. At the end of the day they’re all bat shit crazy.

What do you think about strip clubs? Personally the way I look at it is once you’ve seen one naked chick twirl around and leave a snail trail on a pole you’ve seen them all. Kind of like how kids are firing off double and triple corks. Do you have these in your bag and/or do you even give a shit?

Double corks are not yet happening for me. I think I would like to try some for fun, but it would also be nice to see some of these double cork kids do a good front three or a method just for fun. As for strippers they are whatever…in Calgary, Alberta you can throw change at them. In Montreal they are really hot!

Keeping with the sexy theme we have going here would you rather have one of your fingers dispense any cheese in the world or any form of lubricant?

Any cheese in the world because cheese is the shit!

Apparently it’s easier to find photos of Dustin riding pipe/park than pow.  But here’s one just to prove he’s not lying. Photo: Jeff Patterson

What is a Gretzky Coffee?

9 cream 9 sugars (must be ordered at Tim Hortons)

One time I cut off one of my friend’s fingers over a cup o noodles. Tell me the least intelligent instance you had as a youth?

One time when I was really little I took a razor and put bubbles on my face then I started to shave. When my mom got home she was like, “where the hell are you eyebrows!”

Would you ever want to move back to where you came from? What I’m really getting at is after snowboarding what are your hopes, your dreams, and your personal aspirations?

I think I’ll just live where I have friends and a good place to snowboard, wherever on the world that may be? As for my snowboarding I’ll do it as long as I can then one day I’ll have to summit my application to the real world.

Love letters from Dustin to TMs. Photo: Joel Frasier/Capita Snowboarding

What is your proudest moment on and off a snowboard?

The day I got sponsored was a big one. Finding out you’re getting free shit is wicked when your 15.

I have this horrible tendency where after taking a shower while toweling off I always dry nuts to face. I can’t help it, but I’m going to try and change. Do you have any new years resolutions or intended self-improvements that you would like to disclose?

Yeah I’m the same balls and face, no biggie, they’re my balls and I know they are clean.

I hate to mix politics/economic developments and snowboarding but what do have any socioeconomic and/or political issues you’d like to address?

Yeah, to all the people with split boards. Now it’s really cool and it’s awesome that they do it. Personally I prefer to snowmobile but I don’t shout it from the rooftops. Everyone likes the smell their own farts but you don’t go around telling everyone how much better your fart is then theirs.

Who do you think the most overrated pro is out there? Don’t worry you can tell me no one reads this crap anyway. I’ll prove it BROOKE GEERY IS A FUCKING DIRTY BITCH! See there was no edit even Brooke doesn’t read this bullshit.

Girl Snowboarding.

What’s with that dude in the foreground? Photo: Robbie Sell

What’s the meaning of life at this time for Dustin Craven?

Just living day-by-day trying to do things that make me happy because at the end of the day the only thing you got is how great you feel.

What is the least of your worries this year?

Everything, cause the less you care the easier it all is.

Complete this sentence: When I got out of bed this morning I looked down and thought______________?

What the fuck is that.

Sponsors: Capita, Arnette, Monster, Union, Grenade, Rudeboys, Hershal, and Airhole.

Normal day at the office. Photo: Robbie Sell

If you want to watch video of Dustin, watch this. He’s in there somewhere.

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Comments (11)

  1. Loved dustin since I saw a photo of him in snowboarder canada from lake louise superpark

  2. Dustys a good rider but is the opposite of yobeat, this shit should be on transworld snow

  3. it would never be aloud on transworld, there swearing.

  4. the whole balls or face towel off thing would never be discussed or pondered by transworld.

  5. Dave Schiff has an excellent interview technique.

  6. that was good shit.
    “overrated snowboarding: girl snowboarding”

  7. schiffs a reeaaalll tough guy

  8. “I am a bitch, but not dirty”


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