Just a bunch of one-liners and a video from the past year, so you can see why we keep this guy around.
“The latest cinematic propaganda by Burton, Standing Sideways, is without a doubt one of their all-time best brainwashing schemes.” — Under Review: Standing Sideways
“The mistakes now stack so high the only conclusion we can come to is that JP Walker has lost touch with reality, he has no idea what is happening in snowboarding, he feels the need to insult those who are smaller and younger than himself, and he is confused.” — The Real Jp Ain’t Nothing to Fuck With
“If Winter Wars shows us anything, it’s that a whole generation of young men need step their game up if they ever want a free pack of stickers.” — Under Review: Winter Wars
“The bad part about reading it online is well, you’ll never really know if Jon Kooley punched a guys face in, or if Nick Dirks was at a strip club just hours before he was supposed to fly to Chile. You won’t know which girls made out in front of the bar, and you for sure won’t know that Toby Witte woke up on some sidewalk 20 blocks from home without most of his possessions from the night before. You’ll just never find that sort of stuff out.” — VG Round 3
The hard-partying wild man we loved in last years video is now the washed-up, where-is-he-now, scruffy dude at AA.– A Simple Guide to Finding Fame, Getting Cool & More
“Try this line, “Hey whatever your name is, I run blah blah website and we’d just love to interview you.” Seriously, it’ll work, or they’ll say, “Fuck you, I read the last sentence of that Yobeat article too.”” — Summer Project: Take Over the Internet
“After getting a house with everyone you’ve ever met snowboarding the group splits three ways. One group goes to Colorado and are never heard from again. Another begins stalking the Utah scene, and one friend (not you) goes Man Am. The other third never leaves home. FedEx becomes a great job with loads of opportunity for upward mobility.”– What Happens to Your Career In?
“Like a smack habit out of control I crave the day I can hold Jerm, Jimbo and the rest of you down, beating you with hockey sticks and socks filled with soap. But, I’m too cute for jail and even the Tranny Finders could beat Brooke up, so, I’ll just stick to Commenting Back.” — Commenting Back #6
“Most “new” ideas presented by companies are just shittier versions of what we saw last year, or in fashion or in other words, they are stolen ideas but in a shittier wrap.” — SIA 2011: Nick Lipton’s Coverage
“Jeremy Jones is to snowboarding what 50 Cent is to rap, originally awesome, currently retarded and backed by Vitamin Water.” — X Games Sorta-Real Review
“Based on the belief that riding a plank of expensive wood down a hill of snow that costs millions to maintain is similar to hustling crack, coke, weed and whatever on a AIDS-plagued corner, the homeboys of boardin’ have adopted the look of the streets.” — 2011 Trend Forecast
All of this was originally typed by the same fingers that are stuck up that nose.