Video: Intern Austin
Words: Intern Richard J Sweet
Here at YoBeat, we’ve gotten ourselves into a serious predicament. Somehow I, Intern Richard, have surpassed the knowledge of Brooke, my boss. The brainpower gap between the two of us became pretty obvious during the lift rides on the Mandatory Intern Shred Day she made us participate in. I could tell she was impressed when her jaw dropped during my stories.
Obviously she’s a girl, so she does get some sort of handicap, but even with that factored in, her history and science understanding is basically zero. I guess it’s not really fair to compare Brooke to someone as smart as me – I’m smart as fuck — but one would think the YoBeat creator would be a bit smarter than a Junior in High School, right?
Either way, my history and science facts blew her mind, so I’m sure they’ll blow yours too. You’re not smarter than Brooke, only I am. Look for me running the joint in about 3 — 5 months, my brain’s about to take over.
Intern History Facts
Albert Einstein Vs Adolf Hitler?
So basically these two were the smartest shitbags of their era, both from Germany. Hitler didn’t want any competition, so he simply told Einstein to “fuck off”. Einstein agreed and fled to America. Google it. It’s true.
The weekend is a time for leisure and recreational fun, such as snowboarding. But did you know there was no official weekend until 1940? Teddy Roosevelt solved that shit. Shortly after, Jake Burton invented his very first snowboard referred as the “snurfer.”
Fact: It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. Sneezing is also considered 1/16 of an orgasm, so if you’re not getting some, get sneezing. The picture above is proof. Shes definitely gettin’ her jollies.
I thought it would be your heart, or possibly penis. Both wrong. It’s your tongue.
Are women good for anything?
Since the beginning of time, women have basically been useless to the human race. Yea, they may produce children, but guys have always been on top. We are faster, stronger, smarter and superior in every way — it’s been scientifically proven by interns around the globe. Recently however, studies have revealed that a girl, Brooke Geery, is the founder of the super cool snowboarding website, YoBeat. Scientists around the world are baffled, and reports of dizziness and seizures have been reported in men upon first hearing the stunning news. I’m considering cross dressing.