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This week, at the suggestion of the Internet, Jerm decided to try out snowboarding for the first time. As it turns out, he kind of likes it, so we had to get someone to fill in his duties while he was out “getting rad.” Luckily, Rumorator von Rumorstein works cheap and accepts bribes, so this week, it’s all him. Please note, he has a lisp, so you should read these reviews as such.
Mo’ Fucking Sasquatch
First off, you’ve got some grimy-assed reggae track on there, and by 17 seconds in there was not one joint, blunt or bong rip. I think you missed the point on this one.Â Honestly I had to shut this thing down at the 2:51 because I couldn’t take it anymore. You’ve got entire minutes of just riding down the groomer, from beginner feature to beginner feature. I imagine this how all those ex-girlfriends I made sit through snowboarding videos felt. Okay, so I turned it back on. And I caught the exact same film, remade with a skier and a flutist playing “The Girl From Ipanema,” poorly. Plus at the end the credits read “edited by Chance and Ryan.” I think that’s a bit of a stretch. Don’t you boys?
MONDAY Tuesday Featuring ZDC
Shit. This one isn’t too bad. I mean it’s got potential. Fast riding, good musicÂ and fun graphic effects. Too bad it’s from Bear. That scene has been done, so you need to step it way up to make it brand fucking new again. Also, don’t letÂ your friend with Parkinson’s run the camera.
Editor: Hey Rumorator, did you watch the MLK Shredit from gnarsauce yet?â€¨
Rumorator: I did. I love seeing people ride in Tennessee, and odd ball places like that.â€¨
Editor: That video is from Colorado.
â€¨Rumorator: What the shit? Where’s the snow and the mountains and that stuff? You’re not going to put that up are you?â€¨
Editor: Nah, it’s going in rejected edits.
Day at Vail from Akaz
This video does a pretty good job of capturing the essence of Vail, without giving you the leg burn.Â For real, they love traverses there. This isn’t a horrible edit. It’s kind of like amateur porn. It’s the same kind of things you do, but the scenery looks a little better, the soundtrack is more appealing and you’re not seeing any disco bush. Plus, tomorrow you’ll be able to find pretty much the exact same film from some other people. You’ll watch it again, and it won’t be the worst way to pass the time waiting for your Chinese food.