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Commenting Back in 2011

It’s a new year. It’s cold outside. The sky is gray and the sun sets early. There’s no sunshine in my life. The only snow I see is cold, gray and laying flat on the sidewalk. I’m tried, overworked and I drink too much. Bitter anger is the new cool. Happiness is for losers. Stupidity too. Welcome to 2011, welcome to a new year of Commenting Back.

HOW TO MAKE THE BEST OF A SHITTY DAY

Jerm commented:

“Flood, always the sickest. But did anyone else notice how creepy his hand looked?”

Jerm, if you’re going to be a new Yobeat pseudo-celebrity whatever the fuck contributor don’t write such piss poor comments. It took multiple grammatical corrections to get this thing up to par. And for fucks sake man, Shane Flood’s hand looked creepy? Really? You mean the grown ass man who wears shirts with Nuns fucking their bloody vaginas with crucifixes both in and out of his homemade coffin bed is a bit creepy?

KEEP THE CHANGE GOES TO CANYONS WITH NITOR/L1

Jimbo said:

“I like the video… Too bad L1 is kinda whack. Remember the days when Nima Jalali wasn’t a total homo and actually snowboarded once in a while? Those were the days. He used to be my favorite snowboarder, now I feel like the only snowboarding-related thing he does is fashion ads.”

Remember the days when Michael Jordan was kick ass at basketball? Or when Babe Ruth was the homerun king? Fuck man, those were the days. Before those guys got old, found new interests and turned into “homos”. Listen Jim, Nima broke his fucking knee after filming the part of his life. He took a year off, started a company, and realized 99% of the guys he grew up with had quit and moved on. He’s still filming a bit, but he’s onto new things. And fashion ads? Well how would you market an outerwear line, or glasses/softgoods line? Seriously Jim, either read a book or stop commenting.

XGAMES REAL SNOW: THE ENTRIES

Nasty Nate wrote:

“This is the coolest thing the XGames ever did. Louif’s part is ridiculous, as are Sauves’ and Brisse’s. Sexton was a little too starstruck competing against his surrogate father’s Simon and JP. /all members of the Forum 8 are washed up. Simon prayed for the win a bit too much. Hout’s still got that fire in his belly. I’d love to see his falling footage too though. Everyone’s got those 20 disasters on lock though. Stuntin’.”

I don’t need to say anything here. Nasty Nate, two thumbs up pal.

And Jimbo redeemed himself with:

“Oh yeah, and Jeremy Jones should win an award for biggest homo of the year. Bad enough he shuv-its for every trick, but then he has the ESPN theme music as his song? BOO.”

I was honestly worried that Jim couldn’t tie his own shoes until I saw this gem. Way to go man. But seriously, how about we stop using “homo” to describe everyone? You never know man, you could be at the bar tonight, toss out a “homo” here and there and wake up with a broken jaw, prolapsed asshole and a bunch of hairy chested bald men laughing at your inability to stand.

CNN HAS NOTHING BETTER TO COVER THAN SHAUN WHITE

Justin chirped in:

“Brooke, you should have put your name instead of hiding behind Admin. I love hearing a fat wakeboarder tell me what really matters in snowboarding.”

This Just In: Brooke Geery is no longer fat or a wakeboarder! Two weeks ago I ran into boss lady Brooke at New York’s JFK airport. She was like 50 pounds lighter than the Brooke I saw in October. I bet she is nearly back to her college form, you know, back when pro shreds were all about her. Anyway, she also quit wakeboarding. Basically because we were all a bunch of dicks about it, and I dunno, maybe ‘cuz that company was super dumb anyway.

Every word in this post-even those based on real people-are entirely fictional. The quotes might be bullshit too.
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Comments (23)

  1. so alliance is a bad company? figures cause they have patrick w. doing a lot of their video content..

     
  2. OMGZ I JUST DID SHROOMS….FUCKING AMAZING. Oh yeah, Jeremy Jones. Still a homo.

     

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